Remembering CJ

Hello. I've been away for quite a while, and, although I've been planning to return, this is absolutely not the way I wanted to do it.

I am one of the lucky people who knew CJ Twomey. When I first met CJ, he was still a kid. I worked with his mom, Hallie, and she invited me over to her house. I remember meeting CJ and his brother Connor, liking them immediately, and thinking to myself that they would get along great with my two boys. That is indeed what happened - my kids thought her kids were great fun, and whenever they got together, riotous laughter always resulted.

My older son, Brandon, has worked as a counselor and lifeguard of a local summer camp for 4 or 5 years, and for two glorious summers, CJ worked there, too. Brandon told me at the end of CJ's first week that CJ was a natural counselor (high praise from the veteran!) and that the kids loved him.

I find that easy to believe. Everyone loved CJ. He was smart, funny and kind. He had a way of making you feel as if you were the most important person in the world. He and I shared a sort of twisted sense of humor, and I always felt as if he 'got' me, even back when we first met. I'll never forget that night he made me laugh so hard I held my sides and begged for mercy. CJ, I'll miss your laugh most of all.

I was fortunate to know him, to see him mature into the wonderful, loving man that he became. My heart aches for his loss - for myself, for Brandon and his other friends, for everyone whose lives he touched in person or through this amazing internet, for his beautiful Danielle, but most of all for his devoted family. He leaves a void that cannot be filled, and I pray for strength and comfort for Hallie, John, Connor and their loving extended family.

It was my privilege to know this extraordinary young man. I love you, CJ.

Today's Blog Is Sponsored By The Letter H...For HALLIE, My Amazing Friend Who Agreed to Post This Entry For Me. (She MAY Have Come Up With This Title)

Well, I’m here! I’ve been wanting to post for a long time, and I made the commitment that I would manage, come hell or high water, to post a Friday Fragments post today (Jocelyn, this one’s for you!) Friday Fragments is hosted by Mrs. 4444 over at Half Past Kissin’ Time, who I’m sure has completely forgotten me, but who I’m hoping will welcome me back after a much-too-long absence.

* My new job (hey, how long do I get to keep calling it my NEW job? I’ve been here 8 weeks already!) is still taking up the lion’s share of my days. Yesterday I left my house at 6:50 AM and returned at 8:30 PM. That’s a long day. The biggest problem is that I have to fit all the other things I have to do into the few short hours I have at home. My weekends are a whirlwind of chores – shopping, laundry, bank, library – and I still don’t have enough time to get it all done. It’s a good thing I like this job; actually, after 14 months of unemployment, I’m grateful every day to have a job at all.

* What do I miss the most? You – all of you out in blog land. I wonder every day how you’re all doing, and what’s going on in your lives. I absolutely hate the idea that I’m missing out on your adventures, and I’m determined to find a way to get back to the blogosphere somehow. I’m still thinking audio blogs are the way to go, but I’m not sure I have the technical knowledge to make it happen. Maybe in the meantime, we should work out a schedule: I’ll assign you each a day and time to call me during my long commute and you can read me your blogs! Yeah, yeah, I know you’re all busy too, but really, isn’t it all about me?

* You may be happy to know that the clothing crisis has been solved, at least for the time being. A very dear friend has donated to me two large boxes of professional-looking clothes that, along with what I already had, make me look good enough to go to work every day. Jacqueline, you are my angel! I could use a few things to help round out my wardrobe, so I’m watching the sales, but I can manage right now. Whew, that’s such a relief. Who knew looking good enough for your job would be such a stressful thing?

* I got a new computer set-up at my job this week, and it came with two giant flat-screen monitors and a bunch of high-tech-looking hardware. My desk now looks like the bridge of the Star Trek Enterprise. The second monitor is incredibly handy, allowing me to keep my boss’s calendar open for constant monitoring while I open other applications on the other one. I was thinking, though, that maybe I should open my favorite blogs on one monitor, so that I can read a few lines at a time in between various emergencies that I seem to be constantly dealing with on the other screen. Hmmmm. Food for thought.

* Every day on my way to work, I pass the street where the woman I believe is my birth mother lives. I actually work only a few blocks away from her house. It feels weird. I’m not sure exactly what I think, but it’s frustrating knowing that she LIVES RIGHT THERE and yet she may as well be a million miles away. For those of you who worry that I might become a stalker, I want to assure you that I have – so far – resisted the urge to detour down her street. See? I’m maintaining my mental health. No, really, I am.

That’s all I have time for today, but I swear that I’m back, and I’ll be around to visit you very soon. I miss you all terribly, and can’t wait to spend some time catching up on your lives.

Friday Fragments - Before Dawn Edition

It’s happened again – a whole week has gone by, and it’s time for Friday Fragments again. This is the place to report all those crazy, funny and random thoughts that roam around your brain during the week. The big brain, who keeps track of all the Friday Fragmenters, is Mrs. 4444 over at Half Past Kissin’ Time. Go check her out – she’s a real, conscientious blogger (unlike me, who can’t seem to get her act together!) and she’s a hoot, too.

* I’m having blogosphere withdrawal. These 11 and 12 hour days are seriously cutting into my blog time. I started blogging during my 14 months of unemployment, and it became one of my favorite parts of my day, visiting my friends around the world. Now, I’m getting home late, having to rush around getting dinner, do a few chores and falling into bed, exhausted. There just hasn’t been time to even turn on my computer. I got up an extra half hour early this morning (4:45) so that I had time to at least post my Fragments!

* Not being able to read blogs is the worst part. I feel like all my bloggy friends are on vacation, and I can only wonder what a great time they’re all having. You’re all lucky I don’t know your phone numbers, because I’m on the road for about two hours and 15 minutes every day, and I’d be calling you, insisting you READ me your blog. Hey – that’s a great idea! Let’s organize some AUDIO blogs. I could download them to my Ipod every day, and listen during my commute. That’s BRILLIANT. I’m a GENIUS. Or is it just so early that my brain isn’t working yet? Hmmm. Better think on that.

* As soon as I’m not job-shadowing my predecessor, I’m sure I’ll have time to read a few blogs throughout the day, on breaks or at lunch, and I will NOT be working 9-10 hours every day. There is no reason one can’t leave that job after 8 hours – except for the occasional event or big project – and that’s going to be my goal. I have GOT to find time for some fun and relaxation, or I’ll burn out, and I don’t want to do that. I really, really think I’m going to like this job.

* Don’t you hate things that beep for no reason? We have a couple of things in our house that beep and we don’t know why. We’ll be sitting in the living room, playing cards, and we’ll hear this beep from somewhere in the next room. Nobody’s cell phone is there, and we can’t figure out what beeped. It drives me nuts.

* On a related note, I also hate beeping on TV. All the new medical dramas have this incessant beeping throughout the show, and it makes me want to scream. I know that real hospitals have beeping, and they’re just trying to make it realistic and all, but I’m not buying that excuse. In real hospitals, the nurses do NOT all look gorgeous, with perfect hair and make-up. And the sick people don’t, either. If they’re willing to overlook the fact that normal hospitals have normal-looking doctors, nurses and patients, then let’s just agree to forgo the whole beeping thing, okay?

* Okay, that’s all I have time for. I miss you all terribly, and I promise to come and visit you soon.

Friday Fragments - Late for Work Edition

Friday Fragment time. It’s the place to release your random thoughts so that they my fly free like a butterfly. If they come back to you…run! Mrs. 4444 started this whole thing, and keeps track of us all over at Half Past Kissin’ Time. Come join the party.


* I started my new job on Monday, and the good news is that I think I’m going to be very happy there. The people are just terrific, and the work seems both interesting and challenging. I actually think I might have found the right position after a year of looking.

* Even though I’m liking the new job, actually working for a living is going to take some getting used to…

* My commute is about an hour (give or take 10 minutes) each way, and traffic is proving to be a daily thorn in my side. It’s a good thing I have books on my Ipod to keep me company, because sitting still – on a road where cars should be moving at 40 miles an hour – is not my idea of fun. I’m getting a lot of books read – well, read to me – and it helps keep me calm, as well as makes me feel better, since I don’t have much time to read books with pages right now.

* I need to get my stamina up. Being home, working on the computer in my pajamas, taking a break whenever I felt like it – is a lot different that leaving your house at 6:50 AM and returning home at 6:30 PM. I’m so tired – mentally and physically – that I can hardly talk by the time I get home. By the time I’ve done dishes, laundry, and gotten my clothes ready for the next day, I’m exhausted. Hopefully I’ll get back in the swing soon.

* I wonder what the record is for highest number of individual blisters on one foot? I never would have guessed this, but the issue of what shoes to wear has become the biggest challenge of all. I’ve been wearing flip-flops or those stretchy clogs for a year. I pulled out my dressier shoes, but they don’t fit my left foot anymore (if you missed the earlier post, I injured my foot last winter, and somehow ended up with a left foot that is significantly wider than my right). I bought a couple of pairs of new shoes, and they probably would have been fine, except that this job has a lot of walking in it (something I would NEVER have guessed). I must have walked 5 miles or more at least two separate days this week. I have blisters everywhere – yesterday I had 7 band-aids on one foot and 5 on the other. When I got out of my car at home last night, I was saying “Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow” every time I took a step.

* I have had no blog-reading time. None. I haven't even checked my email. I can't stand it - I'm wondering how everyone is. I hope I can catch up this weekend.

* As a bonus to my new job, I have also discovered the true nature of love (and I’m willing to share the secret with you!) Love is…

Standing in a cold, dark, nearly-deserted parking lot at 9:30 at night, even though you are bone-tired, alternately pretending to be the curb or a vehicle, so that your child can practice parallel parking for his driving test. It still counts as love, even if you are praying “don’t hit me…don’t hit me…” the whole time.

* By the way – Alex passed his driving test! Congrats, honey. I knew you could do it.

Friday Fragments - Random is my middle name

Time again for Friday Fragments – although I’m so late today, I bet nobody reads it! For fragment perfection, one has to get up pretty early in the morning! FF is the place to dump all your random thought globules so as to keep them from coagulating and clogging your more productive brain activity. The big brain behind this whole thing is Mrs. 4444 over at Half Past Kissin’ Time, who keeps track of everyone’s randomness, so check her, and all the other FF-ers, out!

* I went down to the university yesterday to fill out some paperwork and get processed (wait, that sounds like I’m a salami) so that I can start work on Monday. I’m starting to believe it now, and I’m excited (and nervous) beyond words. The biggest issue continues to be my wardrobe, but I’m just going to have to make it work somehow. Maybe if I start wearing the same things twice in the same week, they’ll give me a clothing allowance.

* It’s funny that working actually COSTS money, and until I start actually getting paid, this is a bit of a dilemma. I need clothes and shoes, gas for the hour commute, money for a parking permit, and probably other things I haven’t even thought of yet. I did find out that I’ll get paid bi-weekly, which is not my favorite thing, but the benefits are very good. I’m just so grateful to have a job, I doubt I’ll be complaining about anything.

* I just read somewhere that it’s healthier to breathe through your nose. Evidently, a lot of people breathe through their mouths, which causes them to take shallow breaths. Shallow breaths signal the brain that you’re anxious, so it puts out stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. When you breathe through your nose, your stress levels measurably drop, and you get more oxygen in your blood, which gives you more energy and makes everything in your body work better. I’m going to work on this by trying to keep my mouth shut more. Anybody who knows me knows what a challenge this is going to be.

* I am being overrun by these things, which I call Chinese Lanterns, but I have no idea if that’s their actual name. They grow all up inside my rose bushes, and sometimes up the side of my house. I think they’re a weed, but one of my friends loves them, and is always wanting to dig them up and transplant them to her house. I have to admit that they’re colorful, and they do appear – appropriately – in the early fall. Still, I’d like them better if they were a little more well-mannered in where they choose to grow. Here’s a picture of them (try to imagine zillions of them, all tangled up in roses and such)

* My current card-making obsession:

This card has a cool removable bookmark in it, so you can keep the pretty part of the card instead of throwing it away. The bookmark has magnetic strips on it, so it grips either side of the page securely, and looks good at the same time. I mean, who can't use a nice bookmark? Here’s a blurry picture of the bookmark:

* I’m going to get a bunch of them done – in different designs – this weekend while I’m still inspired. Of course, that requires me to finish the 101 chores I’ve also got on my list. I guess I better get started. Have a great weekend, everybody!

Weave Me the Sunshine

We've lost another talented performer. Mary Travers, of Peter, Paul and Mary passed away yesterday after a long battle with leukemia.

I don't often comment on the passing of well-known personalities, but this time it feels like a personal loss. I grew up on the music of Peter, Paul and Mary. Their songs are so entangled with my youth, it's almost like a soundtrack to my memories. We sang their songs around the campfire - Lemon Tree, 500 miles, If I Had a Hammer, Puff the Magic Dragon.

We often speculated on the true meaning of Puff - did it refer to marijuana smoke, perhaps? - but I was lucky enough to meet Noel "Paul" Stookey when I was in college, and got the chance to ask him. He said that it was simply a song about the bittersweet experience of growing up, and wondered why we all had become so cynical. We are proud to include Stookey as a Maine resident. He and his wife live in Blue Hill, Maine and operate a recording studio out of their converted chicken coop.

My favorite Peter, Paul and Mary song is one of my go-to songs when I need a mood adjustment: Weave Me the Sunshine. It is on my Ipod, and my kids and I sing along with great abandon whenever we hear it.

Weave, weave, weave me the sunshine out of the fallin' rain!

Weave me the hope of a new tomorrow and fill my cup again!

I loved Peter, Paul and Mary for their thoughtful lyrics and expressed convictions, which they performed with such beautiful harmony. Stookey told me that the most important ingredient in their success was their deep love and respect for each other. It showed.

Rest in peace, Mary. And thank you.

Worst Blogger Ever

I can't seem to get my act together. I've been trying to get a job for so long, I almost don't quite know what to do.

Looking for a job in this day and age has meant being on the computer for hours every day, researching, scouring websites, revamping resumes and writing carefully-worded cover letters. I've been doing that for about a year now, and I'd gotten into a routine: Get up, make coffee (decaf, of course), check email, check the job-search sites, read some blogs, write a blog, do some more job searching, check a few more blogs. I'd basically repeat this pattern all day, with breaks for household chores or errands or my daily walk.

I was in the rhythm of it. It worked for me - all except the not having enough money to pay my bills. That part sucked.

Anyway, now that I know I'm starting work next Monday, I'm all of sudden in panic mode. Here's what it sounds like in my head:

What am I going to wear? Do I have 5 suitable outfits to get me through the first week? What about shoes? Should I clean out and wash my car? What if the president of the university parks next to me? The inside of my car looks like a giant purse. Speaking of purses, what purse should I carry? I have only one nice purse, but it's getting old. Maybe I should clean it with that leather stuff. Where is that leather stuff, anyway?

I need to clean the house. Why the heck didn't I get more stuff done while I've been unemployed? I was going to rip up this miserable carpet, and repair the screens and paint the kitchen. I should make some extra meals and get them into the freezer so it won't be too hard to get dinner on at a decent hour. I wonder what time I'll get home every day?

I should get a lot of walking in this week before I can't do it anymore. I'm going to miss being able to be outside as much as I have been. The weather has finally been beautiful for the last few weeks, and I'm going to be inside a building all day. I wonder if I'll feel like walking after work? Maybe I can walk at lunch time. I wonder what time I'll get lunch? Oh, geez, I'll have to pack a lunch. What do we have that I will be able to pack a lunch with? I wonder if there's a refrigerator. What about water? I can't stand drinking city water. I wonder if they have a bubbler or if they drink tap water? Will it seem weird if I carry my own drinking water? Oh, and what about coffee? I can't drink regular coffee. I hope it's not a coffee machine. I hate coffee machine coffee.

Anyway, you get the idea. I'm feeling completely scattered and nervous and excited, and I can't seem to sit down at the computer for more than a couple of minutes at a time. I'm going to try to get around to visit everyone this week - I want to know how you are all doing and what's up in your lives. And I'm sure you're dying to hear what I have to say about whatever you've said. Right?

I GOT IT

Only time for a quick post - but it's good news. Possibly the best news I've gotten in a long, long time: I got the job. I just got the call about 15 minutes ago, and I still can't quite believe it.

I will be among the employed again, and not a moment too soon, let me tell you. My sanity was quite literally on the line.

I have about a week and a half to get my life (and my wardrobe) in order, so bear with me as I rush around. And don't even bother to ask why I haven't gotten everything in order over the last year of unemployment, because I have no idea.

Thank you all for the prayers, good wishes and positive thoughts you sent my way. I know having so many wonderful people on my side is what put me over the top. You're the best.

It's Friday Fragments Time

It's Friday already and time for Friday Fragments, which is where I get rid of all those random thoughts that are tickling the inside of my head. Anybody can fragment, thanks to our lovely and talented hostess, Mrs. 4444 from Half Past Kissin' Time. She keeps track of all the FF-ers over at her site, and you should stop by and check it out. Actually, if you're not reading her regularly, why aren't you? She's funny AND nice - a perfect combo!

* Thanks for all the positive energy around my second interview on Wednesday. I think it went well, and I did find out that they called my references yesterday, which I hope is a good sign. I very much liked everything about this place, especially the people, and hope to have some really good news to share with you soon. I’m trying not to get too excited. I’m afraid if I don’t get it, I’ll be incredibly disappointed. Oh well, nothing to do but wait.

* Did you ever lose something that it is impossible to lose? Like something that it so big that it couldn’t be hiding anywhere? Or something you use every day, that only ever gets put in the same place, and has never left the bathroom? Doesn’t that drive you crazy? I was walking across the living room floor, holding an empty bowl and two chopsticks in one hand, when I stopped to pick something up off the floor. When I straightened up, I had only one chopstick. Could I find the other one? Nope. I looked everywhere, on my hands and knees, for half an hour. It literally couldn’t be anyplace else, and I still can’t find it. The biggest bummer is that it was one of the cool, shiny bamboo chopsticks, of which I only have four. I mean, three. I think my mother was wrong. Things really do sprout legs and walk away. If you ever see a shiny bamboo chopstick with legs, it’s mine.

* Having Alex back in the household is wonderful, but it sure has required me to adjust my grocery list. He is a snacker. We all snack, of course, but Alex has raised the idea to an art form. He would rather graze all day on snacks, and never have to sit down for an actual meal. Unlike Brandon, who loves to create elaborate meals using every single pot and pan that I own, Alex has no patience for food prep. He wants to grab and go. That box of granola bars that was lasting a week this summer is now empty in two days. The omelet breakfast does not work for Alex – cross off eggs and jot down bagels. Get more snack-size baggies (he’ll eat healthy food if it is in grab-able bags!) and serving-size pudding and yogurt. I’d love to hear your favorite grab-and-go snacks – what can you recommend?

* I think that if you drink decaffeinated coffee, it’s really important to get the good stuff. In my opinion, good decaf – which means spending more than $5 - for the 13 ounce bag that used to be a pound of coffee, but don’t get me started on shrinking packages and rising prices – is almost as good as real coffee. This week I’ve been drinking some store-brand swill that I bought in a moment of stupidity (or poverty). I can’t afford to throw it out, so I’m drinking it, but I’m pissed off about it. Ironically, because it sucks, it’s lasting longer than my usual brand.

* Do you know what high school kids can wear for gym class up here? ANYTHING THEY WANT. Yup. They can wear anything they want, as long as it is not the clothes they came to school in. They are required to change, but it doesn’t matter into what. You can wear jeans and a t-shirt to school, and change into another pair of jeans and a different t-shirt, and it’s totally allowed. Alex usually brings long basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Boy, things have changed since I was in high school. We used to have to wear these horrible stretch knit shorts and a horizontally striped, polyester polo shirt. Life is so unfair. Maybe this is one of the reasons I hated gym class, and only took the minimum amount I needed to graduate, and Alex signs up for it as an elective every year.

* When I was housesitting recently, I noticed that they had an air freshener in their bathroom that was called Moroccan Bazaar. I think Febreeze makes it - very elegant packaging, too. When I was growing up, we had two choices for freshening the air: Lysol and FLORAL. And neither of them was refreshing. Lysol makes me gag to this very day, and we all know what those bathroom smells are like when you add floral scent. Hallie, I know you have smell issues at work. Maybe you should try spritzing a little Moroccan Bazaar and humming “As Time Goes By” from Casablanca. Let me know how it works out.

I hope you all have a wonderful long weekend (if you’re in another country that doesn’t have Labor Day, I hope you have a wonderful regular weekend!) and I’ll be by to visit your blogs!

Hurry Up

Hey - I am here! I want to thank you all for the wonderfully kind words and all the thoughts and prayers sent my way last Friday. I had a good interview - which is to say, I really liked them and I hope they liked me. I think it is exactly the kind of job I've been looking for, working for some great people in a nearly ideal setting. I did get a call back for a second interview (this afternoon, in fact) so feel free to keep those positive thoughts coming!

I've been experiencing a bout of extreme energy, and it seems to be causing an unnerving amount of activity on my part. I've been tackling long-overdue projects at an alarming rate and I can't seem to sit still for more than a couple of minutes at a time, even at the computer. I may not know much, but one thing I've figured out is that it is useless to fight these odd moods. It's better to just go with it and see what happens. I'm sure it will pass in a day or two. In the meantime, if you stop by, be sure and ask to see my junk drawer. You'll be amazed.

I'll be back tomorrow with an update, and on Friday - because what would Friday be without Fragments?? Hope you're all well and happy.

Friday Fragments - Electric Avenue

Time for Friday Fragments again – the brilliant idea of Mrs. 4444 over at Half Past Kissin’ Time, who organizes this revelry every week (in fact, she’s the HEAD reveler, which I think makes her in charge of beverages AND entertainment). Go check out who else is feeling random; you’ll be glad you did.

* In this very rural part of Maine that I live in, the addresses used to be things like RR 1, Box 280 or whatever. A number of years ago Maine decided to get on board with 911 systems, and everybody was assigned a number and street. A lot of streets were previously unnamed. Since many of the streets only have one or two houses on them, the towns allowed those people to choose the name of their street. This led to streets named after the folks who lived there (Simoneau Rd., Greta Ave., Record St.) or the landscape (Shady Lane, Pine Tops Blvd., Pleasant View). Sometimes they get creative (Hardscrabble Rd., Catmousam Rd., Nonesuch Place) or just plain weird (Seboomook Dam Rd., Umbazookas Ln.). Unfortunately for me, I live on Main Street, and thus did not get the opportunity to name my address. Too bad, because if I did, I would have snatched up Abbey Road before the people down the street got it. I always wonder if they’re big Beatles fans or if they have a child named Abbey. Maybe I’ll stop in someday and ask.

* I dropped Alex off at the high school yesterday, and was amazed anew at the outfits the girls were wearing. I’m lucky, I guess, because my boys were pretty easy to deal with on the clothing front: T-shirts and jeans, pretty much every day of their lives. They tend toward black t-shirts, but never got into goth or that odd too-big pants phase, with jeans hanging off their butts and their boxers showing. Some of the girls at the high school, however, seem to get most of their clothing from the Rural Hookers of Maine store. My mother would NEVER have let me out of the house in ultra-short skirts or shorts and low-cut tops. I wonder when it became popular to look like a prostitute? Even if I like the look, I think it becomes a sanitation issue – if they’re wearing thongs under there, when they sit down, what exactly is between them and the chair that 25 other people sat in today? Just wondering.

* I’ll be glad when the freshman parents get the clue about how to drive through the parking lot at school. It’s scary enough dodging the kids who just got their license and clearly do not know how to drive, let alone park, without dealing with parents who can’t comprehend one-lane roads or basic drop-off procedure. Rule number one: do not stop in the drop-off lane and proceed to have a 10 minute conversation with your child about what time you’re going to pick them up, what they had for breakfast, or why you don’t like rap music. Drop off your kid and keep moving; we have stuff to do.

* Within 6 miles of my house there are 4 Dunkin Donuts (for you city folks, this might not be a big deal, but in my rural area, it’s a lot). There is also one Tim Horton’s. Mr. Horton was a fairly recent addition to the landscape, and I welcomed him with open arms. His pastries look amazing, and there are a lot more lunch choices there. However, I don’t visit him any more, and I’ll tell you why: They don’t make decaf coffee after noon. I drink decaf only, and I’ve been this way for about 10 years. I used to have a big problem with migraines, and getting off caffeine was a big part of the mostly-successful solution. I like to swing through the drive-thru and pick up a decaf to help sustain me through Lacrosse games or track meets, because it gets cold on those bleachers. If you go through TH at 4:30 or 7:00 PM and order decaf, they say “We don’t make decaf at this time of day; you’ll have to wait while we brew some.” It takes 4 minutes to brew decaf, plus the time it takes them to prepare your coffee (and probably bitch to each other about how irritated they are that somebody asked for decaf). FOUR MINUTES is a long time in the drive-thru with some moron in a Volvo behind you, drumming on the steering wheel and staring daggers at you. Isn’t evening the time people SHOULD be drinking decaf? Tim Horton, you disappoint me.

* I'm off to prepare for my job interview. I can't tell you how much all the good wishes mean to me. I'm nervous, but it's a hopeful kind of nervous. I feel like I'm as prepared as I can be, and I got a pretty good night's sleep last night, so my mind is as sharp as it gets. I've practiced my interview questions and my confident, charming smile. I've done everything I can do. Feel free to send a little prayer or positive thought my way at 1:00 Maine time. I appreciate your support more than you know.

Missing You

No time for a real post, but I wanted to say hello. Hopefully somebody noticed I haven't been around much the last several days (I have this recurring fear that I'll be kidnapped or something and nobody will notice until there aren't any clean dishes or clothes.) I am dealing with a bit of family drama, the return to my household of my youngest son (hurray!) and the start of school tomorrow. I am again woefully behind in blog-reading, and I'm missing my online friends. Tomorrow, after everybody leaves, I'm going to sit down with a cup of coffee and catch up with you all.

Have you ever noticed that, often, the person who suffers most from family drama is NOT the person who caused it? More evidence that life is not fair, I guess (as if we needed any!) but this, too shall pass.

I got a call for a job interview on Friday. It's a job I think I would really like, so I'm wavering between panic and excitement. I took a drive down to the building where the interview will be, so I will know where I'm going on Friday. Then I came home and tried on every single piece of clothing that I own. Then I balanced my checkbook to see if I could possibly afford to buy something new to wear. Then I tried on every piece of clothing I own again. Then I checked my roots to make sure the gray isn't showing, because who wants to hire an old hag? Then I went to Wal-Mart and picked up some hair color. Then I printed out my list of possible interview questions and answered them - out loud - to myself. Then I made a list of all the things I have to do, in order, before the interview (hair, nails, exfoliate, clean jewelry, lint removal - my clothes, not my belly button, in case you're wondering, although I may do both.)

Obsessive? I prefer to think of it as prepared - you know, like a Boy Scout.

This just gets stranger every week - Friday Fragments

Welcome to Friday Fragments, the place to say all those things you’ve been thinking all week. Mrs. 4444 from Half Past Kissin' Time is the Big Thinker who hosts this party, and her thoughts are some of the best around. She has links to all the FF posters – go check them out and I promise you won’t be disappointed.

* I have company staying at my house this week, and it’s not the casual kind of company that hangs around your house, reading and such. It’s the kind of company that requires MY company every single minute. Talk about finding it difficult to blog – it’s more like finding it difficult to complete a thought. I have to sneak off with my laptop to steal even a few minutes to read a blog or two! This may just be the shortest Friday Fragments in history.

* Mrs. 4444 awarded me the Favorite Fragmenter prize from last week, which is funny because last week, her FF post had me laughing for days. She linked this video, called Stuck in the Middle With You, which got me thinking about the subject of things that, well, get stuck inside people. Many years ago, I attended a conference with a woman from another non-profit agency whose agency provided family planning and women’s health care. She once told me (after several margaritas) that she had removed an amazing array of objects from women’s bodies. Objects that were not the normal things one might find in there. Objects that they would have obviously attempted to remove themselves first, before suffering the embarrassment of asking for help. The list amazed, impressed and disgusted me, all at once.

* She also told me that the most interesting and unique items, once retrieved, were placed in their ‘hall of fame’ (which was a shelf in their back room) for them to enjoy for years to come. Of course, I had to stop by her agency a couple of months later for a meeting, so I asked to see it. Let me tell you, it was EVERY BIT AS IMPRESSIVE AS SHE HAD DESCRIBED. The most interesting item was a plastic gargoyle, which she described as a “neon green, hard plastic, angry-looking gargoyle” and, in my opinion, was WAY too big to be even considered for insertion. You gotta wonder how bored a person has to be…I mean, how does that even begin? “Gee, honey, I’m feeling a little adventurous tonight. What say we take that green plastic gargoyle that your sister gave the kids, and see if it fits in your…”

* Earlier in the week, I did a good deed at Wal-Mart. I’m not going to tell you all about it, because the specifics don’t really matter. What I will do, though, is encourage everyone to be friendly, and patient, with elderly people when you encounter them at stores or restaurants. It will make your day – and theirs, too – and you might just make a terrific new friend. I think it is absolutely criminal how some people treat others, just because they’re slowing down a bit as they get older. God willing, we’re all going to get there sooner or later - let’s show a little love and compassion, shall we?

* That’s all I got today. I will try to keep better track of my random thoughts next week. Have a terrific weekend, everybody!

My Secret Hideaway

I sometimes dream of a getaway - the chance to get away from my problems, from bills and job-hunting, from the stresses of everyday life. My ideal getaway location? Someplace hot, with swimming and my choice of adult beverages. Someplace nobody would bother me, where I can choose to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Someplace where I only need a bathing suit, a sarong, a hair clip and my sunglasses. Paradise.

Of course, because of my current situation, I couldn't possibly manage a trip to Paradise. However, I did just manage a couple of days at a spot just north of there. You may have read that I was house-and-dog sitting for friends of mine for the weekend. They have a really nice pool, and in exchange for 45 minutes of dog care twice a day (plus a couple of minutes of egg-collecting - who knew that I was scared of chickens?) I got to hang out poolside for the whole weekend. AND miracles of miracles - the weather cooperated. Yup. Here in Maine, we're having a heat wave (sing with me "a tropical heat wave...") and it's been 90 degrees and sunny every day for almost a week now!

Anyway, I had a great time, and took some pictures of my gorgeous locale.

This is the view from the upper deck. I took this picture around 9 in the morning, and that thermometer on the side of the tiki bar reads 80! And all this time I thought Mother Nature hated me.

A view of the tiki bar. This is where I ate breakfast and lunch and changed stations on the radio as my mood changed from classic rock (morning) to country (afternoon) to jazz (evening).

Here's a better view of the bar - home to many fabulous concoctions. I stayed mostly with Mike's Hard Lemonade, but I know the blender could have told stories of margaritas past.

In addition to their sled dogs, my friends had these adorable poodle puppies. They had six, but three of them have been sold so far. They're ten weeks old and apricot colored- aren't they cute?

One of them was forever jumping straight up in the air. I think they should call him Pogo. I had to take all the photos from outside their enclosure because when I was in there, they were all over me. Their fur is so incredibly soft, and I love how they don't have the long skinny noses yet.

Don't you just want to scoop this baby up and cuddle her??

Anyway, here I am, back to reality. Everything here is exactly the same - same miserable problems that were here before I left - but I feel a little bit refreshed. Sunburnt, and with some sore muscles (I guess I don't use my swimming muscles enough) but refreshed nonetheless. Now if only I could get them to go away for a whole week...

Friday Fragments - The Mojito Edition

Time for Friday Fragments, the place to share all those odd thoughts - you know the ones - that are just too random to be a post of their own. Summer is the perfect time to be random, so if you'd like to learn from the master, check out Mrs. 4444 over at Half Past Kissin' Time. She is the one who started this fiesta, and she's still hosting us fragmenters every week. She picked my friend Andrew from A Long Patience as Favorite Fragmenter this week - yeah! And then she picked my friend Hallie from Wonderful World of Wieners for honorable mention. I'm so happy, I hardly noticed that she didn't pick me for anything... Oh well, go check them all out. Very funny stuff.

* This past week or two has been bad for cell phones in our neighborhood. First, I dropped my cell phone into a steaming hot, very full cup of coffee. Decaf. With cream, no sugar. I grabbed it out, but coffee had permeated every orifice. I took it apart, cleaned it, and air-dried it. And waited. After 24 hours, I put it back together, charged it, crossed my fingers and called someone. The good news? I could hear people fine. The bad news? They couldn’t hear me at all. I repeated the cleaning/drying process, and to my delight, it’s working fine now. There’s a bit of a murkiness around one edge of the screen (the cream, I’m guessing) but I can live with that. The day after I got mine fixed, the meter reader for the power company ran over his cell phone in my driveway. Ooops. And then, a couple of days after that, a friend of mine who was visiting dropped her cell in the lake. I think it’s Mother Nature telling us to drop the technology and enjoy what little summer we get.

* I must be getting old. For a bunch of reasons, and not just because I’m beginning the transition from tampons to bladder-control pads, either. When I was at the movies, watching the Ugly Truth and thinking murderous thoughts about the teenagers and their mid-movie texting, I kept wondering if some of them were old enough to be hearing some of the R-rated dialogue. Which is ridiculous, since I know my kids learned more on the bus in third grade than I knew when I graduated from high school. (“Mommy, what kind of a job is a blowjob?”)

* I am sick to death of not having a working oven in this house. I don’t bake a lot in the summer, but it’s nice to have the option. I have to bring all the snacks to my stamping club meeting tonight, and trying to come up with something good that doesn’t require baking is not that easy. Especially since the other women keep trying to outdo each other in fancy-ness. I can’t just show up with chips, dip and a bag of cookies from the store. Any ideas? Quick, because I have to be there at 6:30.

* Am I the only one who thinks the television talks to me directly? I swear, since I became really, really panicked about not having enough money to pay essential bills, and since I started thinking I might not ever have a job, I think all the tv shows are talking to me. “If you lose your job, we’ll make your payments. Too bad you weren’t smart enough to buy one of our cars before you got laid off.” “A recent study shows that people who are still unemployed after one year have the same chance of finding a job as getting hit by lightning. In a related story, large numbers of unemployed people are reportedly standing out during a lightning storm holding a nine iron.”

* Starting this afternoon, and until Sunday afternoon, I am housesitting/dogsitting for a friend of mine. They have sled dogs, like us, but only 10 or 12, plus a couple of house dogs, so it should be pretty easy. Food and water a couple of times a day, and let the house dogs out to potty every so often. Other than that, I think I’m free to sit by (or in) their gorgeous inground pool with the Tiki bar, outdoor fireplace and cool torch lighting. The weather is supposed to be hot and FABULOUS the whole time. I wish you could all come, too. I’d make you a kick-ass mojito.

Wouldn't It Be Nice

Time for another edition of STUFF THAT BUGS THE CRAP OUT OF ME. I know I’m going to sound cranky, but I don’t care. Things are not going well, and I think a little ranting will make me feel better. I need to complain a bit, and this is where I’m choosing to do it. Maybe tomorrow I’ll put up a list of things that make me smile. Or not. Either way, here are some things that are currently bugging the crap out of me.

Scary commercials. I don’t go to see scary movies. I don’t like them. My life is scary enough without monsters and demons and crazed chainsaw murderers. I don’t mind hearing about scary stuff, I just don’t want to FEEL it, with the scary music and the graphic violence and everything. WHY, then, must there be a commercial for a terrifying horror movie on TV every 5 minutes? If I was watching a scary TV movie, I might expect a scary commercial or two, but when I’m watching Burn Notice? I even saw ads for Drag Me To Hell during a Lifetime movie. Really, marketing people? Your research really shows that people who watch Love’s Enduring Whatever also enjoy a terrifyingly bloody horror movie? Who knew? I guess I’ve outgrown my demographic.

People using cell phones during a movie. I went to a movie recently, and I was really looking forward to it. Since I’m pinching pennies, I don’t go to the movies much and I was planning to have a fabulous time. I arrived just as the lights went down, and for a moment I couldn’t see where I was walking. I needn’t have worried, however, since 75% of the teenagers in the room were texting, and the combined light from their cell phones lit up the room plenty. Once the movie started, I expected it to stop, but it never really did. And every single time, my eye was drawn to the sudden bright light. SO annoying. Who are they texting? Each other? I wanted to shriek at them that I managed to get all the way through my teens and half my adulthood without a cell phone - maybe they could take a break for an hour and a half.

Online applications that take hours. A lot of jobs require online applications these days. Sometimes they’re pretty basic: name, address, phone, attach your resume and cover letter. Sometimes they require you to fill out an online resume form, in which you have to basically retype everything, including job history, which is a pain, but whatever. SOME of them, however, want to ask you questions. LOTS and LOTS of questions. I actually had one that required 150 questions. I’m not kidding, either. The first 60 of them were variations on the ‘how much do you agree/disagree with this statement’ thing, with statements like ‘I often struggle with my work’ or ‘I like to be in constant contact with my supervisor.’ Then there was a long section with word problems: “What is the next number in this sequence: 100, 52, 28, 16, 10” or “Bob, Carol, Ted and Alice went to dinner with Dopey, Grumpy, Sleepy and Doc; the women can’t sit next to each other; Doc sits by Bob, Sleepy sits on a corner next to Carol, and Ted and Dopey sit across from each other. Which chair does Alice have?” Then they finished up with a personality test where I had to rate myself on levels of energy, honesty, intelligence and general going-postal-ness. TWO and a HALF HOURS. Really? REALLY? To work at your lousy chain store? I don’t care if I was applying for a management job. This should NOT be the initial screening tool.

Inconsiderate people everywhere. People who don’t care about anyone other than themselves. Who randomly stand in your way at grocery stores without checking to see if they’re blocking someone, Who pull out in front of you in traffic and then go super slowly. Who drop things and leave them there. Who make comments like, ‘you must not be trying that hard’ when you tell them you’re still unemployed. Or they say ‘are you still harping on that?’ when they hear that you are continuing to hope to hear from your birth mother. Please, God, however depressed or cranky I get, never let me become one of those people. Please make sure I always care about the other people on this planet, whether I know them or not. And, God, while you’re at it? Please keep me from running them over in my car, even when they bug the crap out of me.

Fragments - It's all I got

Time for Friday Fragments - the place to release all your pent-up thoughts, no matter how silly - or crazy - and set them free out into the blogosphere. Our resident Princess of Liberated Thoughts is Mrs. 4444 over at Half Past Kissin' Time. She keeps track of all of us random types, so go visit her and see what tidbits of brilliance you're missing.

* For the first time ever (at least since I started this blog) I went an entire week without blogging. Not only did I not blog, I did not READ any blogs. I went cold turkey on the whole blog thing. It was weird. I kept wondering how this person or that person was...how they were dealing with a certain challenge they're facing, how they were enjoying their vacation, their staycation, their break from kids. I realize how much I like my blog friends, and how much I miss them when I don't 'see' them.

* I didn't blog (or read blogs) for a couple of reasons. I started to think that I needed to spend even more time looking for a job. I already was spending 4-6 hours a day looking for job openings - on the internet, in newspapers, in employment periodicals, etc., but I'm not having much luck, as you all know. I decided that I needed to put all my effort into it, without distractions. So I did just that. I looked everywhere possible on the internet. I brainstormed a list of all the large companies within 50 miles of my house and checked their websites. I signed up with every possible employment agency, temp agency and recruiter that would talk to me. I visited the Career Center. I developed 5 new versions of my resume after two different experts advised me to 'dumb-down' my resume so that people would interview me. (Evidently my skills and experience might be working against me. Ha! Who knew? I thought it was just my age!) I read everything I could find on: resume writing, finding openings, better cover letters, how to walk the fine line between following up and harrassing potential employers. I even drove around the industrial park and wrote down the names of all the businesses. One week later? I'm still unemployed, but boy, could I give a seminar on how to go job hunting.

* The other reason I haven't blogged is that I don't want this to become a "poor-me, I'm still unemployed'' blog. Who wants to read that? I certainly don't. And I don't want to write that, either. Damn it, I WILL find something something to say that - if not interesting or funny - is at least not DEPRESSING AS HELL. Unfortunately, that was my reality this week, so I chose not to blog. Hopefully next week will be a better one.

* I have added a new thing to my list of THINGS I REALLY APPRECIATE. The new addition is: public restrooms that incorporate a long, winding hallway entrance, thus eliminating the need for me to touch a door handle that most certainly has more germs on it than the decomposing trash barges of New Jersey. If you add in good lighting, door latches that work, seats that aren't peed on, and sinks that work? I'm in heaven. I've become such a simple person, really. It doesn't take much to please me.

* I've been dog-sitting a bit lately. If only I could make a career out of it! I've made friends with several really sweet dogs, but I never think to bring my camera with me to their houses. This time, it was a one year old Golden Retriever (Ralphie) that was visiting me for a couple of days so I had my camera handy. We played a lot outside - he loves to play keep-away with a ball - but he was bored by my computer-job-hunting-frenzy. This is what he was doing while I was surfing:

Sometimes he switched couches:

* I was treated to another surprise, last-minute, 20-hour visit from Alex (and his girlfriend Tiana). Three weeks from now, he'll be back home - for the school year, anyway - and I can't wait. I've really missed him this summer. Here's a picture of the happy couple. Oh, to be 16 again!

* I've missed all my blog friends, and I want to say thank you for all the encouragement and advice you've offered. I can't wait to read about all you've been up to since last Friday. It will probably take a while, especially since the weather is supposed to be gorgeous for the next couple of days, but I'll get caught up with everyone. I hope you all have a glorious weekend.

Slip-Sliding Away - Friday Fragments & Freewrite

Gosh, we're back to Friday Fragments again. I guess I need to be posting a little more often - if this keeps up, my whole blog will be fragments. Oh, well, it's summer. People are random in the summer, right? Anyway, this is the place for all those thoughts that run through your head when you're sitting at traffic lights or trying to sleep. It was the brainchild of the effervescent Mrs. 4444 over at Half Past Kissin' Time. Go visit her, and see who else is fragmenting this week.

I'm also joining Friday Freewrite, which is hosted by Sara over at Ordinary and Awesome, just because I can do it all with this one post, and it makes Fridays twice the fun!

* I'm having a hard time finding funny, or even non-miserable things to blog about. I found out that I didn't get TWO jobs (that I had high hopes for) this week. Add that to some other personal issues and you might end up with a recipe for depression. My current coping strategy is to try not to dwell on it and keep myself busy. I'll let you know how it works out. I did read about an excellent strategy that Yaya has found helpful, and, frankly, I think she's on to something.

* Under the heading 'Things That Irritate Me' you can add "finishing a puzzle only to find you're missing a piece." I've been working on a puzzle - a really hard puzzle - for a long time. It was part of a series called Buried Blueprints which I love. The puzzles are very unique and no longer in print, but I've been able to get most of them on Ebay in the last several years. My friend Jocelyn came over and helped me work on this one, which was called An Egyptian Chronicle, and we had a great time chatting while we puzzled. Anyway, we found out one piece was missing. Arghhh. I have to say, this is the first time I've gotten burned on a puzzle from Ebay, and I've been buying used puzzles there for years. The biggest problem now is that I can't re-sell it. Does anybody want a puzzle that's missing one of its thousand pieces? I'd be glad to send it!

Here it is. Isn't it cool? Can you spot the missing piece?

* I was lucky enough to have Girls Night Out last night, and it couldn't have been more needed. My two girlfriends from college are the best. They are smart, funny, beautiful and supportive. And, as we were noticing last night, we never run out of stuff to talk about. EVER. We're making some tentative plans to take a trip together next year, and I sure hope we can pull it off - although I'm not sure the world is ready for the three of us, unleashed, as it were. Broadway, here we come!

* I've been stress-knitting again. Socks, mostly. If you're on my Christmas list, you're probably getting socks for Christmas. Sorry if I spoiled the surprise. Here's one pair in progress:

* My stove is beeping. Well, the timer is beeping. All the time. It's not the same beep as when the timer goes off. It's much, much quieter - if you have the TV or radio on, you don't really notice it. But I can hear it. Mocking me. I have no idea how to make it stop. I keep setting the real timer to its maximum time, because when the real timer is on, the other beeping stops. Of course, this means that every 1 hour 59 minutes I have to go turn off the real, loud, beeping timer. It's not a perfect system.

* This week's theme at camp is Mystery. All the counselors are dressing up as either famous detectives or characters from Clue. Brandon and Sandy went as Colonel Mustard and Mrs. White (the maid). And yes, I was up making an apron and a maid's cap at midnight last night. I'll be rewarded in the next life, right? Here's what they looked like:

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Hard to Believe

Proof that sled dogs and cats CAN get along: Bliss (semi-retired sled dog and part time couch potato) and Ursa Major (rescued feral cat who has really taken to the good life.)

Update

I didn't get the job. I just got the call. The company filled the position without even interviewing me and ignoring the recommendation of the employment agency. The woman at the employment agency sounded upset and told me that they hired someone 'outside the process' which I guess means directly, and not through the agency.

I'm so frustrated. Every recruiter that I have interviewed with seems to love me, but getting to the next step has been difficult. I'm beginning to wonder if it's my age. I found out that one job that I missed out on a few months ago was because they wanted someone young. All my years of experience seem to be working against me - either because the company wants to 'mold someone' the way they want, or because they think they can pay them less. Little do they know that I'm willing to work for a lot less than I'm worth at this point.

So, back to the drawing board. I have several other irons in the fire, but this was one I was very hopeful about. Time to develop some new leads. I knew I should have made friends with rich people who own businesses when I was young and cute.