Tuesday, November 25, 2008

My Mother's Eyes

I want to say how much I appreciate all the support you folks in Blogland are showering on me as I set out on this journey. You've been so kind to me, and some of you have shared how adoption has touched your lives as well. Adoption is really about love and how it grows in a family however that family is put together. Hallie told me that I would find that the blogging community is a safe and supportive place, and she was right (yes, Hallie, I just admitted you were right - don't get used to it!)

As I was writing yesterday's post about the non-identifying information I received from the adoption agency, I began to think about something that happened a lot when I was a child.

My mom had lovely eyes. They were light colored, kind of greenish blue, and one of her best features. When I was growing up, people would sometimes remark that I had her eyes. Mine are more truly blue than hers were, but a lot of times people would point out how similar they were to hers.

We didn't tell everyone that I was adopted; close friends and family knew, and it was never kept a secret, but we didn't bring it up to casual acquaintences unless the conversation led there. When someone would say that I had mom's eyes, she and I would share a secret smile. She would say, "yes, she does." In those moments, I could so clearly feel the love between us. It was as if only she and I knew that while I didn't get her eyes genetically, I was so much her daughter that the resemblance was unmistakable just the same.

When I got the report about my biological mother, and I read that her eyes were blue, my first reaction was "just like mine." But then I thought again. No, not just like mine. My eyes are like my mom's. I may have gotten the color from my bio mother, but everything I see is through the eyes of my mom, whose love enabled me to be the person I am.

I love you, mom, and I miss you every day.

20 comments:

jojo said...

Some times when I look in the mirror I see my mother's eyes. In those times I am reminded of just how much I miss her. We will never be loved like that again...a mother's love. Take care M.E.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

This is a simple and beautiful post.

Yet all I can fixate on is you saying I'M RIGHT!!!!

Hallie :)

Laura ~Peach~ said...

I spent so many years looking for a woman who I look like... when i finally met her... I absolutely look nothing like her. I look like my father and his other kids. in 97 i believe my father remarried for the third time we were there as my DH was best man after the wedding we went to meet my oldest brother and his wife for the first time and my bio mothers mother met us as well... Graham said to me as we met in the museum under the Arch in st louis... Ruby (his wife) picked you out in the croud because you look just like me... later the next day Ruby and I were walking to the store, Grahams mother lived down the street from him and as we walked by Ruby said HI and started to introduce us ... Joan said Hell no need to introduce her she could be one of mine!! then proceded to tell me that she never wanted to believe that he had been cheating on her for so long... sorry i was the evidence. I fell in love with this woman she was so open so honest and FUN She spent many hours with my family and showed us so many pictures and even the divorce papers that my bio father had lied his ass off about. I still talk to her from time to time which is rather unique ...

Everyone who sees me and my MOM (adoptive) they always comment on how much WE look alike... but unlike you when ever anyone ever said that moms (and i do believe mine too) immediate response was I am or she is adopted. thats not to say that was ment in a bad way it simply was that mom had decided even before adopting me that lying or trying to hide the fact that i was adopted would only bode badly and she is very proud of the fact that she adopted me... of course she takes away at times from that by claiming to adopt everyone who comes along who is nice to her... to hear her tell it she has 3 adopted daughters and one adopted son... when only ONE has the papers LOL.
anyway ... You are one of the lucky ones ... and I think that is wonderful. :)

Andrew Scott Turner said...

Griffin (my youngest of 48 children) was born with Corrine's bountifully blue eyes (MET is laughing because she knows the secret irony behind that statement) but now his eyes are shifting to my shit brown.

You know that scene in The Omen when Damien's cousin (or maybe it was a step brother) peels back the strands of hair on Damien's head to find the 666 symbol? You remember the chill you got when that realization came?

That's Corrine witnessing Griffin's transformation. I think her exact reaction was "Oh, shit, he has your eyes."

Completely off your blog, but since you're going to exclude me by talking about COLOR I thought I would write a ...um...colorful story.

Mary Ellen said...

Andy - I assume you're telling this story AS IT HAS BEEN RELATED TO YOU, since we know you have no idea whether his eyes are blue, brown or magenta.

Didn't mean to leave you out. Next time I'll try to talk about something you understand...like irony.

Andrew Scott Turner said...

why ironing? I don't iron.

AirmanMom said...

ME... Your words paint a beautiful picture of the love you have for your mom. Thank you so much for shaing this journey!

~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

Odette said...

That's a lovley post! My uncle is adopted and we believe that he is Italian, and has quite strong Italian physical traits, but as a child he blended in completely with my Mom so no one really knew! There have been studies showing that the more time we spend with our families the more we resmble them, so then maybe your eyes for example really are your mothers! I think that your right they are a reflection of the love you guys shared. Thanks again for such a beautiful post! :)

Corrine said...

A beautiful post. Well done!
It makes me wonder what "Matthew's" eyes look like. Brown, I am sure. Just like Andy's...a lovely shade of shit....

justlori2day said...

Simply beautiful!

Becca said...

:-)

Reddirt Woman said...

I think you put it beautifully. Birth mother's contribute to getting you into this world, but life mother's (and father's) shape your world. I've seen this in other families as well as in my sib's families. After reading this post I am even more thankful for my brother and s.i.l.'s children, and I hope even more that one day Punkin' will look for her biological family.

Thank you so much.

Helen

kim-d said...

People used to sometimes say my dad and I looked alike, too--and we would just smile at each other because they didn't know he wasn't my biological father.

Most people say I look like my Mother, and that I sound exactly like her. Which can either be comforting OR sad to the other people who miss her. I try very hard to NEVER forget the sound of her voice, the color of her eyes, and her grin. I miss her so much.

I think your parents sound like wonderful people, and I hope that trend will continue with the biologicals...

Vegas Princess said...

How beautifully stated. And how true. We do have our parents eyes since their ways of showing us the world is how we learn. I never thought of it that way but oh so true.

~*amber*~ said...

That was really beautiful; simple yet said/meant a lot.

I have almost that same situation, but with my stepdad. People would always say, you act like him when you do this, and you're built just like they are (my step-brothers and sisters). My dad did the same thing, he would always say 'I know' or 'Yep' and unless you knew us closely, you didn't know I was his stepdaughter. He never said it that way, he always just said daughter, still does, and has ever since I was 4 and he became my 'DAD'. He is the only person I know as Dad.

Genetics and blood and all that stuff doesn't make you family, it's the love that does.

MaBunny said...

You do have very pretty eyes, from what I can see of them from the picture...
You also have a great way of writing about your experiences, and reading it I feel the anticipation and such from which you write.
Have a happy thanksgiving

MaBunny said...

Oh M.E. thought you might want to check out another blog - by Michelle Kemper Brownlow - she has three kids - the youngest adopted - she took care of him since he was a baby and he finally became an official part of the family. You can go to her blog at
www.michellekemperbrownlowwrites4kids.blogspot.com.
You can search thru her archives. She is truly a wonderful woman , and talented too!

Shellie said...

Well said. As an adoptive mom, that made me cry :=)

Joe and Leanna said...

OMG! You brought tears to MY eyes! This is such a touching post!

I am glad to see that you have felt the love growing up that is in our household.

I can't even begin to understand the circumstances that would force a mother to give up her child and the heartbreak they MUST feel knowing their baby would be better off with someone other than them. I could never do it...but then I had to 'try/work' for my first two due to fertility problems and my last was a beautiful surprise! I would be the mother on the same end as yours (the one that adopted you).

I have several friends that were also adopted and not one of them would change where they are today.

Mrs4444 said...

Wow. You're good. That was beautiful, too. Thanks.