Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Looking for M.E.

Hi, I’m Mary Ellen, and I want to welcome you to my new blog. Let me tell you a little bit about me and what brought me to begin a blog, and then you can decide if you’d like to come along for the ride.

I’m in my late 40’s and I’m adopted. I was adopted as an infant by a terrific couple who turned out to be the best parents I could have ever wanted. You’ll hear a lot more about them as time goes on because they were both quite the characters, and were completely responsible for the fun-yet-slightly-twisted human being I turned out to be. Unfortunately, both of my folks are dead. I still miss them a lot.

Maybe because I was lucky enough to have such great parents, I was late in getting to that place a lot of adoptees get to – wanting to find out about my birth family. Of course, I had wondered occasionally from the time I was quite small, mostly about my birth mother. What does she look like? Does she ever think about me? And of course the big question: Why did she give me up?

Even though I wondered, I didn’t do anything about it for many, many years. Part of this was because I didn’t want to hurt my mom and dad’s feelings, but part of me just didn’t dare. It’s amazing how complex these feelings can be.

Anyway, when I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s, I was having some problems and suffered a number of miscarriages. My Ob/Gyn at the time said, as every doctor I’d ever seen had said, “I wish we had some medical history on you.” Me, too. Around this time, it seemed like every week scientists were discovering another serious medical condition, disease or cancer that was genetic. If only you knew what scary stuff was in your genes, you could protect yourself, get screened early, take preventative measures. It didn’t seem fair that I couldn’t have that.

So I started looking into it, and found that in the state that I live in, adoption records are sealed. If you were born between 1953 and 1977, they are completely sealed and unobtainable. Your original birth certificate, with your birth parents’ names on it, is removed from the town records where you were born, and it’s like it never existed. The state prints you up a new thing, called a birth registration card, that has your adoptive parents’ names on it, and that’s that. There are several other states with similar restricted access to records by law, some states with recently opened records, and other states that never sealed the records in the first place.

Well, I tried a lot of avenues, which I will talk about as time goes on, but the bottom line is that I couldn’t get any information, no matter what I did, or who I talked to, until recently. A group of people, many of them like me, formed about 5 years ago with the sole purpose of passing legislation granting access for adult adoptees to their original birth certificates. It was a long, hard battle with many starts and stops, but the legislation finally passed in June of 2007, with an effective date of January 1, 2009.

This means that on January 2, 2009 (the first business day after the law takes effect) I will be able to go to the town in which I was born, and request a copy of my original birth certificate. I still get chills just thinking about it. What this will mean to me is hard to put into words, but I think about it all the time. What’s her name? It will be right there, on a piece of paper in my hand. Something I’ve waited my whole life to find out.

I find myself counting the days and weeks until January 2nd. I think about things in terms of before I get my birth certificate or after I get my birth certificate. And then I wonder what it is I’ll do once I have the name. Will I try to find her? What if my birth father’s name isn’t listed? Do I have siblings? There are a lot of things to think about, and talk about, which brings me to the reason for this blog.

I want to talk through this experience. I want to talk about what it was like to grow up adopted and how it has affected me, my personality and my parenting style. I want to tell someone all about this journey I’m on to find out about my birth family.

I’m an extravert, and I like to discuss everything. My friend Hallie over at Wonderful World of Wieners has shown me how therapeutic blogging can be. And how much it can reduce pressure on friends and family who otherwise would have to listen to me. And Hallie, like me, thinks everything you do in life is better with some company! So, I’m inviting you all to be my company. Hang on, it might be a wild ride.

41 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

It's about damn time....

WELCOME!!!

Hallie

kim-d said...

Yeah, what Hallie said!!!

As for me, I LOVE a wild ride, so I'll be here every step of the way. This is SO cool--finally I can comment to YOU--for example, the other day I wanted to tell you this. My Mom, bless her little heart, just couldn't wear many perfumes for women; however, certain men's colognes worked. Go figure! Anyhoo, not being one who wanted to swim in fragrance, she finally found one she ADORED,that smelled absolutely scrumptious on her, and came in a form that was not overpowering. LAGERFELD ANTI-PERSPIRANT!!! I could just picture you, following my Mom around the mall. BWAHAHAHA! Every time I smell it, I think of her.

As you've probably already figured out, prepare yourself for some long comments.

SO GLAD YOU'RE FINALLY HERE; YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT...

Unknown said...

Longtime fan, first time commenter here

I'm circling Jan. 2 on my calendar and, as always, rooting for you!

Yes, I know, you're not a sports team, but you get my drift

Supposably Yours

~Andrew S.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

OK I am here for the LONG haul... and I will tell you up front that I have been there done it and I hope you have shoulder straps lap belts and motion sickness pills because this is ONE HELL of a rollercoaster ride you are embarking on...If there is a name for an emotion you will have it and you may make up a few as you go along.
I was adopted at birth and my state sealed records too... My files were opened in 1992 and I went on the extended version of the emotional roller coaster ride... I started telling my life story this year and got through the first 20 years then stopped for many reasons... not a perminant stop just a break ... my story just from the bits I am seeing is polar opposite of yours but you can be assured that I have been a part of the adoption community and have spent YEARS sharing the ride with all persons involved in the adoption triad from all over the world and have even had the thrill of helping some reunite with biological families.
I am here and will offer any help or advice or a shoulder to hang on kleenex to wipe your eyes and blow your nose on or just an ear to listen...
HUGE HUGS and there is NO doubt it is going to be a wild ride :) I mean that in the best sense of the word because NO matter what the out come the KNOWLEDGE is worth it!

Oh by the way HI :) I am Laura known to many as peach I am thrilled you are blogging I wish I had such a beast.... I kept a journal but there is nothing like the human interaction.
more hugs!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

It's me again... Email me I will give you some information I dont share with many... my phone number ...you have every right to be nervous and scared and the ONE biggest thing I can offer you to help with that one is... NO EXPECTAIONS be prepared to accept what ever you find out with no conditions and no expectaions... it is harder than you might think to let go of all preconcieved ideas and notions... I know I spent my entire life with the story my parents had told me and the BILLIONS of fantasys of what might have been or could have been or should have been and in the end of my search absolutely NONE were too close to the truth... well what the orphanage had told my parents actually was the truth but thats an entire nother book best saved for another time.
peach867@yahoo.com
I have a treasure that I have kept for years... I was given the name and address of a woman and she wrote to me, her biological situation was somewhat like mine and she helped me remain sane through it. Oh wow I can see now i need to get my story back on and written out or your poor comments will be flooded by me :)
HUGS and thank you.

kimmy said...

Nice to see you joined the blogging community! It is hard to resist Hallie :)

Kimmy

Cheri said...

Welcome to our blogging world, it is very therapeutic and you meet some wonderful (and very funny...Hallie) people.

I stopped over from Hallie's blog and I checked out her blog many many months ago because we have doxies in common. She makes me laugh all the time but I honestly have only one eye open when it comes to her Morbid Mondays post.

Good luck on Jan. 2nd.

Cheri

Unknown said...

Welcome, ME...
I found you from Hallie and will be back to read you again soon!
You will be a favorite of mine :)

~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

Laura Marchant said...

I have chills for you. I can't wait to see what happens :-)

claudia said...

Welcome!
I came over from Hallie's blog to say hi and that I'm glad you have started a blog!
I am at the other end of the adoption spectrum. I have a son who I put up for adoption. I chose his adoptive parents, although I never met them until around 2000. (my son was born in 1972)
His adoptive dad found me through a few different channels and left me a note one day to give me the option of contacting them. I did, we have all met and keep in touch.
I wish you all the luck in the world, and I am here for you if and when you need it. (or whether or not you want it!)

Ness said...

Congrats on your entrance to BlogLand. It has saved my sanity, or what little was left to save. I'm in on the journey with you and will keep you in my prayers that things work out well in January. Just don't do a weekly Morbid Monday post....I tend to shy away from those because I have a bleeding heart and I don't need additional stress! lol

MaBunny said...

HOWDY from Texas. Promised Hallie I'd come over and give you a big Texas welcome. I wasn't adopted so I have no clue what you are feeling, but I can tell you I will be back to visit and encourage you and give you the cyber hugs that might make your day a teensy bit better.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

You SOOOOOOO owe me a HUGE apology for doubting my ability to get you readers!!!

A PRADA bag for me from you would make us even!

Hallie

Gucci Mama said...

Hi! Visiting from WWoW too. So glad Hallie told us about you! Glad you started blogging and looking forward to reading more!

Anonymous said...

I also come to you courtesy of WWoW. Though I don't have a blog (yet), I'll visit often and cheer you on thru this great endeavor of yours. Good luck.

Sue in WI

Unknown said...

arriving from WWoW as well and I am excited and scared for you. I'll be a daily reader so you better blog daily!!! :-)

Rikki said...

Here from WWoW as well! Sounds like you have quite a story! Adding you to my blog list! Here's to Jan 2nd!

Odette said...

Welcome, Welcome, welcome!!! I am looking forward to hearing all about the amazing journey that you are embarking on... oh and I will be nback tomorrow! :)

knittergran said...

Wow, what an adventure and story you will have.
I think you must be very brave, because this would be scary to me. But irrestible as well.

Welcome to the world of blogging, and I look forward to how your search goes.

Kim said...

Hi Mary Ellen!!!
Hallie sent us over, gotta love the wieners of the world!!!

Reddirt Woman said...

Don't let Hallie lord it over you too bad... She's bound and determined to get a Prada bag, by hook or by crook.

So anyway, here's a big ole' howdy from Oklahoma. We're used to wild rides around here and I will be looking forward to reading more of your story.

Twenty years ago, I was with one of my niece's when she gave birth to a baby girl that she had decided to give up for adoption.
She decided that someone else could give her so much more than she could at such an unstable time in her life and gave her up out of love for her daughter. The hardest thing we ever did was to walk out of the hospital two days after Punkin' (she was born on Halloween) was born. We took a lot of photos during that time in hopes that someday she will come to find us.

My oldest brother and his wife adopted a son and then twin girls. They have brought so much joy into our lives and the whole family has been so thankful for the gift we were given with those children the last forty years. So I'm familiar with emotions both ways.

Good luck on your journey. You'll have a lot of folks walking with you.

Helen G.

kim-d said...

Wow, ME, you've had a very successful first day; isn't it FUN??? I guarantee it, by this time next week, you're gonna be asking yourself what took you so long :)!

Just wanted to come by again and say good night, and I'll "talk" to you tomorrow...I'm so excited for you!

sheryl said...

Came over to visit via WOW. I will be back. Good luck.

Cupcake Blonde said...

Came here from Hallie's blog. I am so excited to follow your story! Welcome to the blogging world. :)

katy said...

Welcome....I look forward to reading more about your story. January is approaching quickly so hold on tight.

Unknown said...

I look forward to hearing your story as it goes on.

I bet you are excited for January, I know I would be. :)

Lipstick Jungle said...

Welcome to the blogosphere!

I loved reading your first post! I am not an adoptee, but I did have a baby girl that I gave up for adoption (to a family member). While the story is different, I think there is a kindred experience. And I am so excited that in less than 7 weeks some answers you have been waiting for will be revealed - I hope that there is more excitement than disappointment.

I will continue to follow your story, and I will pray that you find all you have been searching for!

Shellie said...

yeah, what Peach said. Totally true. I'll be along for the ride too.

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