Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Gotta have a plan, man

While I’ve been sick (and, if you’re wondering, I’m still not completely over this stupid virus) I haven’t been totally wasting my time. No sirree. Not me. I am nothing if not a multitasker. I can cough and knit at the same time. I can surf the web and lay on the couch simultaneously. I can feel sorry for myself and watch all the Tivo’d episodes of Gray’s Anatomy in one 6-hour marathon. I am a renaissance woman.

I need a plan. I am just waiting around, waiting to hear from the woman in Portland, the one I believe to be my birth mother, the one I wrote to TWO WEEKS AGO asking for information. I can’t stand it. I need to be doing something. I am not the sit-around-waiting kind of gal.

So, I evaluated my options. I could:

1)Send the letter again. Maybe she didn’t get it?

2)Send a new letter. Maybe the new words will spark something in her that my old words did not.

3)Drive down there and knock on her door. Soooo tempting, but a bad idea. I am not trying to traumatize, frighten or antagonize her. I am trying to tempt her, to entice her to want to respond. I’m trying to awaken something in her that she has probably ignored or denied for almost 50 years. I don’t think showing up on her doorstep is my best next step. Plus, what if she calls the police? I do not want to show up on an episode of Cops.

4)Call her again. This may be the right choice, but for some reason, every time I think of picking up the phone, my stomach cramps and my intestines liquefy. I’m terrified of calling her, probably because the last phone call nearly destroyed me. I may not be ready to put myself through that emotion again just yet.

5)Do something else.

I’ve decided to choose number five. I’m doing something else – something I feel comfortable with, something that I feel confident will make me feel better. When all else fails, RESEARCH.

Yes, research is my plan. Information is my friend. Throughout my life, information about my origins has been my imaginary friend. It’s been like an elusive little butterfly, flitting away from me every time I reached out for it. Now that I finally have some information about where I came from, I’m hungry – no starving – for more. It’s like I had one Utz chip, one pistachio, one sip of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. I can’t stop now.

I’m making plans to spend a day (or more if need be) at the Maine State Archives. This is where information lives. Every time I think of this building, I can hear movie theme music in the background – Rocky or Star Wars. That’s how I know it’s the right plan. If epic movie soundtracks play in your head, you’re on the right track, aren’t you?

At the archives, I may be able to find more evidence to prove that the woman I’m currently stalking is indeed my birth mother. I will try to follow the timeline, starting from my birth. I’ll get a copy of her first marriage license and her second. I’ll try to find a record of the birth of any other children, including the woman I think is my sister. I’ll find birth and death records for other people in her family – MY family – and see what that tells me.

Spending the day poring over ancient records sounds like just the thing I need, but I had better bring my inhaler. Unlike information, dust is not my friend.


Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I approve. You may proceed.


Midwest Mommy said...

I think that is a very good idea. I am thinking of you.

Sarah Laurence said...

Sorry to hear you are still sick and waiting to hear from your birth mom.

The research option sounds good. It fits your personality, and you might find some of the info you are searching for.

Another idea: send her flowers with a note.

Good luck!

My Metabolic Rate is Stuck said...

I'm thinking of you and praying you find the peace that you so desire!! SOON!

AirmanMom said...

ME...excellent choice!
I will remain your prayer warrior!


Andrew Scott Turner said...

(Sung to the Indiana Jones Theme Song)

Mary Ell-en
Is off to find
The missing piec-es
That will Ease. Her. Mind.

In Augusta
Amid the stacks
She will FIND
and NEV-ER
LOOK back

Her birth-mother
She thinks she found
But some sleuthing
Can be very sound

Mary Ellen
We are WITH you
We LOVE you

In the e-end
We know she'll win
She's a fight-er
She's caught her second wind

Clear the roads now
She's on her way
To find her BIRTH-mom
Her UN-cles
Her COU-sins
And OTH-ers

Under the Influence said...

THAT sounds like a great plan.

Hope you feel a little better each day.

claudia said...

Great Idea! YAY! I hope you find lots and lots of great information.
And GET WELL, that's an order!

Joanie said...

Sounds like a good plan to me! If you shoose to send another letter, have you thought about adding photos of yourself at different stages of your life? Maybe SEEING you will shake something up!

Liz said...

Andrew!! Love it!!

ME... your choice is wise. She needs space and research is almost always a good thing. Can your "angel network" help any further?

kim-d said...

Press on, Mary Ellen! Knowledge (aka information) is power. Besides, before you go motoring over to her house, you have to wait for me to get there so I can go with you!

One sip of Mike's Hard Lemonade? Nope. Now it's time to step 'er up to a 6-pack of Mike's Hard CRANBERRY Lemonade (the very best). You're cracking open the first one with what you're doing today. Good for you, my friend!

I wish you would get well soon so I could get back on the horn with you again~~miss you! But I'm glad you're back to blogging and glad you're back to your search. I am still convinced that things are proceeding as they should. I am sure of it.

Keep us posted.

Elenka said...

That sounds like a good plan. Do you know the daughters name and address? Could you write to her as well? I think the suggestions about sending pics of yourself over the years sounds good (to your 'sister' too)...putting a face on the name. (Maybe you did that...I don't know)Maybe a good photo of you knitting and coughing at the same time. Multitasking can be endearing.
Good luck...I will be following your progress. Hope you feel better soon.

c3 said...

Information is indeed your friend.

One question (although maybe you already answered it): Have you referred her to your blog? I think that might be a non-threatening way for her to get to know you and start to feel safe about contacting you. Whether or not she's the woman you believe her to be.

Joanie said...

I don't agree with contacting the daughter. Real good chance, if this IS ME's birth mom, she didn't tell anyone she gave a baby up for adoption. Back in the 50s and 60s and even some of the 70s, you were hidden until the baby arrived and the baby was given up right away. Everyone acted like it never happened.

Becca said...

sounds like a good plan. also, if you find the potential sister, maybe contact her, she might convince her mom its ok to acknowledge you?

Laura ~Peach~ said...

excellent plan...

kim-d said...

I'm thinking of you right now and wondering how you're progressing, so I thought I would stop in and say another quick "hi."

And also to tell you that I watched Alex's video. You are right, he IS cool. Actually, I would probably say amazing. And handsome! :)

Sue said...

I almost got distracted from the thoughts of Mike's Hard Lemonade....
Great idea on the research! But get better will ya?

Merrily Down the Stream said...

Good luck Girlfriend and Good Choice too!

BlueBella said...

Good call. Information, information, information. . . now get over that cough already!

Mrs4444 said...

I love that last line about the dust; very clever! I'm glad there's something else you can do; it's tough being helpless.

TWEETY-LEE said...

I can't imagine not knowing my Mom, I'd probably be the one to show up at the door or else stalk her from my car. good idea to get your ammo up. The more you know, the stronger you'll be.

Tonjia said...

I think this is a good idea. have you ever tried to contact your sister?

for a different kind of girl said...

I think it sounds like you've got a good plan in place with this 'do something else' plan.

Robin said...

i like it. a lot. research away and line up (or back up) all your facts. make sure you've got it all as right as you can. THEN, write the woman again.

Explain to her how MUCH you have researched this and all roads lead to her. Reiterate the selfless act she committed when she gave you to your parents and the life you were meant to have was the BEST thing ever she could've done for you...except for now. Now, she needs to do one more selfless thing and answer your questions. You do have a right to the answers to the medical questions, at the very least.

I'm not liking the sister idea. This could be devastating to her and her mother's relationship; also, it could really backfire on you regarding any information.

I wish you the best of luck with this. I wish I could help you and you don't know how much I admire you for your courage on this journey.

I'm here for you. As usual, I'm always available to make the knock on her door. I have no shame and little couth...use me to your advantage. :-)

Odette said...

Ohhh Look at you all proactive! Go get 'em! :) (I can Eye of the Tiger for you again if you want... :) )

jojo said...

I wish you and your inhaler all the best...

Reddirt Woman said...

When I read your title for the post,the first thing that popped into my somewhat aged mind was "Fifty ways to find your mother...".

I agree with Kim-D that knowledge is power. Better to be as fully informed as possible.

Just Between Us Girls said...

I hate that logo thing on TV..I am right there with you on the TV hate list.
Wow waiting to hear if the woman is your birth do have a lot on your plate. Hope everything works out for the best for you. Thank you for sharing your story.
Have a wonderful Sunday and stop by when you have a moment.

Vegas Princess said...

This sounds like a wonderful proactive thing to do. You can fuel yourself with more info to throw at her if she tries to deny you again. Good plan!

Anonymous said...

I say eat the rest of the pistachios.

Anonymous said...


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