Monday, March 30, 2009

Lady Willpower

I am about to do something I said I wouldn't do. I'm going to post a picture of the woman I believe to be my birth mother. I know I said I wouldn't do it, even though I was tempted. I guess I lied.

I'm having a really hard time right now, for a lot of reasons I won't impose on you right now. Believe me when I say you'll probably get to hear a lot more about my troubles as time goes on. Today was a particularly difficult day, and it got me to thinking that life's too short. I'm going to end up on my deathbed wishing I had done more of what I wanted and less of what everybody else wanted. So here I go.

What's the worst that could happen if I put this picture up? I don't think anybody she knows reads my blog. And even if they did, what are the chances they would recognize this old picture of her? And even if they did, how horrible would that be? I am not giving her name - not her name at the time this was taken, nor her name now. I'm simply going to put up a random picture, one of billions that will be posted to the internet today. I don't think the world will stop revolving just because I showed this one. Although a volcano may erupt in Alaska - sorry, Becca! - but I really doubt anybody can directly pin that on me.

I am going to post two pictures. One is my senior picture from high school, and one is her senior picture, which I got from her high school yearbook at the library. I may regret this, and pull the post down, but for the moment, here we are - me and my bio mother.
































































35 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wonderful World of Weiners said...

YOU GO GIRL!!!

Hallie

Liz said...

The cheeks... the lips... the eyebrows!!

I'm usually pretty bad at seeing similarities between people but it sure looks obvious in those photos!

Sorry you are having a hard time lately... prayers for you.

Midwest Mommy said...

I honest to god have chills right now! If that is not your mother I would be very very very shocked. You have a lot of the same features. Wow!

Midwest Mommy said...

Wow, again! I keep staring. If I didn't know that was your birth mom I would have thought it was a couple of pictures of sisters.

Barb said...

I'm so sorry things are hard. I think of you all the time and I wish that your birth mom would come to her senses and that y'all could have a friendly relationship. That she'd at least write you back and tell you why she CAN'T if that's her choice.

I'm holding a good thought for you, ME. You deserve better.

Under the Influence said...

Wow, I don't think there is any doubt based on those photos.

Good vibes are comin' your way!

claudia said...

Those pictures convince me!
WOW!!!
I'm sending hugs and prayers for you that things get better.
Love Ya!

Laura ~Peach~ said...

yeah I'd say you bear a big resemblance (SP) to her I did show you the ones of me and my bio right ?? cause I look nothing like her... I look like my siblings and my bio father...
HUGS and more hugsss

Lynn said...

Good thoughts and prayers for you, you are so brave !

Robin said...

i'm thinking of you, as always. i hope you get the answers you deserve soon, one way or another.

(that last part sounded slightly sinister, didn't it?)

and the offer for me to go a'knocking on her door is still open.

hugs........

Proud Mom said...

ME, you are so right... Life IS too short! Your bio mom needs to understand that with every tick of the clock, she misses an opportunity to love you, really love you ~ hear your voice, touch your cheek, hold your hand, laugh with you, cry with you, live with you, reminisce with you.

I hope that she will wake up before it's too late.

~*amber*~ said...

You two do look alike. If it's not her, I would be surprised.

Tonjia said...

OMG you look so much alike!

I am so sad that she is not choosing to get to know you, what an incredible shame. I pray that someday she will come to her senses.

Until then, I am sending you prayers and huge hugs. You are an awesome person, M.E.

Vegas Princess said...

Wow, the eyes. It's right there in the eyes. I would be very surprised if this is not her. Good for you taking this step. And you have done nothing wrong so don't even think that for a moment!

Joanie M said...

The resemblance is uncanny! I really do think when you write to her again, you should include pictures. That one, and few at different stages of your childhood.

Scriptor Senex said...

I don't think you need have any doubt about having found her. Umtil now I've been all for 'you' in all you've done and I still am - including this post - but it also made me so sad that she doesn't know what she's missing. I now feel so sorry for both of you. If I could click my fingers you'd be sitting at a cafe table having a coffee and swapping stories about your lives...
Lots of kind thoughts,
SS

Elenka said...

Yup, to everything you said......

Have you sent HER these two photos?

kim-d said...

Oh my gosh, Mary Ellen! The eyes; I immediately saw two sets of the same eyes. The mouth, the dimples, literally everything except the nose. There is no doubt in my mind that is your birth mother.

I cannot even imagine how heart-wrenching it was for you to see that picture, even as she is denying what is so evident. I know it is odd... my biological father's youngest child (23 years younger than me, I met her when she was 6)looked a lot like I looked at that age. It was odd to see!

I personally am all for doing much, much more of what you want to do and less of what other people want from you. Life is so darn short...

I am here if you want to talk...I hope you know you can give me a call anytime, or if you want to e-mail. Just like you're here for me, I am also here for you!

Love ya, Mary Ellen!

AirmanMom said...

ME...I am sorry your life is so difficult right now.
Prayers and hugs are being sent your way!
~AM

Andrew Scott Turner said...

Hang in there MET

You are loved and appreciated!

knittergran said...

Wow-I think that's her! I am so sorry that things are so difficult right now. I just read a book about the author of the Heloise books, and at some point he worked for a man who had a sign that said, "Don't worry. It won't last. It never does."
So there are better days ahead. And Winston Churchill said, "If you're going through hell, keep going."
So know that better times are coming!

American in Norway said...

Wow... I agree with everyone else y'all looks a like! Sorry you are having a tough time girl! Hang in there.. & start living for you..
I think she should at least write back & say WHY she can't see you... you DESERVE something...

Odette said...

I agree with everyone else. You two look a lot a like and I too would be shocked if that was not her.

I'm sorry that you're feeling down :( We're all here and happy to read when you feel like sharing. Hope you're feeling better! xoxox

Abby said...

Eyebrows, mouth, and cheek features. WOW. Proud of you -- I think it's great you put this up!

Alice said...

Wow...I can't imagine how you feel seeing this picture and seeing the resemblance. I cannot imagine why this woman wouldn't want to get to know the incredible woman she gave birth to. I pray that it is just fear holding her back and that she will be able to break from the fear and see something wonderful: YOU!

Becca said...

OMG that is definitely your birth mother!!!!!!!

katy said...

You have every right to post that picture, this blog is about you and that is your mom....whether she admits to it or not.

Sue said...

Hang in there, ME. Glad you posted the pic.

Sarah Laurence said...

There is a resemblance. It was so nice meeting you in person! Too bad about not bringing a camera then.

Just Joni said...

Remarkable similarities. I hope you feel better soon...life is too short.

Mrs4444 said...

I assume that's you on the right? Anyway, you both look so sweet. How old was she when she had you? It's easy (for me) to have compassion for that young girl in the photo. She must have gone through something to become so closed...

Lori Skoog said...

You are doing the right thing. I wish you the best of luck in finding her.

Shellie said...

Ummm. Has she seen YOUR yearbook picture?

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