The most annoying time of the year

I'm afraid I have given you all the wrong impression. Evidently I seem all nicey-nice here on my new blog. It was pointed out to me that I might not be giving the whole picture, so in the interests of honesty, although it may seem as though I grew up to be the harbinger of all sweetness and light, I'm not. Ask anyone who has known me for a while.

When I'm talking about my parents and grandparents, it's easy to wax poetic. They were absolutely the best family I could have ever wanted. Now that they are hanging out in heaven, I miss them and tend to only remember every perfect thing (although I did spill my mom's Minute Rice secret shame!) When I talk about wanting to know my origins, that, too, comes from my heart and soul.

HOWEVER, most of the time I live in the real world, and Holy Cow, has it been all too real lately! In order to survive what life keeps throwing at me, I may have developed a slightly sarcastic tone. (Hallie, be quiet.) Actually, sarcasm has been my friend for a long, long time.

So, I present to you the real me. The one who alternately loves and hates the holiday season for the following reasons.

I love Christmas. I love the presents and the lights and Christmas carols and cookies and trees and all the love that is spread around this time of year. I especially love the parts where we celebrate the actual reason for Christmas.

BUT, there are some things I do NOT like about this time of year, and I've put them into a list.

1. I don't like the weather. More specifically, I don't like that the weather gets to mess up any plans I have on any random day. Snow/sleet/freezing rain gets to decide if I can go shopping, or to a Christmas concert or a party or even church. I hate weather.

2. I don't like hearing the same seasonal songs over and over and over again. Why, when there are 40 billion Christmas songs, do we have to hear the 12 crappy versions of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas every 15 minutes? And why, for that matter, does every famous singer think that they should record a Christmas album and, to make it 'different,' screw around with the timing, rhythm and notes of the song so as to make it completely unrecognizable and un-sing-along-able? I could do a better job with my CD collection than either of the all-holiday radio stations. Heck, I could sing a better version of Have Yourself...oh, never mind.

3. Why can't you find chocolate-covered cordial cherries in dark chocolate? I love these things. It is a HUGE part of Christmas for me (my grandparents again) and I like them in DARK CHOCOLATE. But you can only find them in milk chocolate unless you want to pay five gazillion dollars to get the really fancy kind smuggled in from Europe or some such nonsense. I went online and found out that the Queen Anne kind (sold at Walmart and Walgreens) only carry milk chocolate, and that the dark is only sold at two stores I've never heard of...what is wrong with America?

4. Why do people get so crazy this time of year? I mean, really? I remember working for LL Bean (I did this as a second job each year, just for 2-3 months leading up to Christmas for a little extra cash and the fab discount) and being told at least 3 or 4 times each year that I had "RUINED CHRISTMAS!" This was always because, when they called on December 22 to order that shirt that was on the cover of EVERY SINGLE CATALOG that went to 250 million homes for the last three months, it was sold out. Let me tell you, sister: if your Christmas is completely dependent on whether or not you can get that navy plaid chambray shirt for cousin Bob, you had better be calling in September. And then call for some professional help, 'cause you have bigger issues than us being out of stock.

5. Why is Happy Holidays all of a sudden a bad thing to say? I know the whole controversy about being forced to be politically correct, but this is my take on it: My parents used to send and receive Christmas cards that said "Happy Holidays." I always assumed they referred to Christmas and New Year's (inside the card was usually printed something like have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year). Now, if I accidently say Happy Holidays, I get a lecture about how the anti-Christmas movement is ruining this country. People, get over yourself. If somebody says Happy Hanukkah to me, I'm not going to get all crazy on them. I'll smile and say "Thanks, same to you!" Isn't there a little room for tolerance here in this most blessed of seasons?

Okay, there it is. The real me. I hope you'll stick around anyway, because I think you all rock.

Only 21 days left!