Yesterday, Laura~Peach~ asked me about my brother. I explained briefly that I did have a brother, also adopted (not blood-related to me) 21 months before me. He and I were typical siblings, with a typical sibling relationship. As we grew to adulthood, we turned into very different people, and didn't really remain close at all, although I'm still very close to his ex-wife and I love my two nieces madly.
He is my only brother, and I love him, but it just seemed that after my parents died, we didn't have anything in common, and not much to say to each other. Kim D asked about how long my parents have been gone. My dad died 10 years ago, and my mother passed away 2 years later, after a long struggle with multiple health issues. They had a wonderful bond, and I picture them hanging out in heaven, just happy to be together again.
I remember someone telling me that when your parents die, it's like someone says to you "Go to the head of the line" and it's not a line in which you want to be at the front. I think this is the point where siblings can be the most comforting, and that just isn't how it was for me and my brother. I don't blame him for that - it's just how things are. In raising my two boys, I have put an inordinate amount of effort into building their relationship. I want them to always have each other, even when I'm gone, and luckily, even though they're 5 and a half years apart in age, they love each other and get along great.
Still, that leaves me with a longing that I've had since I was little - a longing for a sister. I admit that in my deepest darkest heart, I'm hoping that when I get my birth certificate and search out my birth family that there might be a sister out there for me.
My birth parents may well have had other children. Heck, my bio father was Catholic and married back in 1960 - back then the Catholics had truckloads of kids! There's a chance that there are several half-siblings out there, and I might be able to find and know them.
Now, I know there is no guarantee. I might never be able to find them. Who knows what roadblocks lay ahead in my search path? I know that there is a good chance that they will not be pleased to find out about me, or might not want a relationship or even to meet me. The whole idea of another rejection is always on my mind.
Even though I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst, I can't help but dream just a tiny tiny bit. Maybe, just maybe, my sister is out there waiting for me. If not, then the position remains open, and I might have to appoint someone. I wonder how that help wanted ad would read: Grown woman seeking sister for slumber parties and giggling. Hmm. Better work on that some more.
5 hours ago