Friday, January 9, 2009

My next move

Yesterday, I worked a bit on all the information I've gathered since getting my original birth certificate on January 2. One of the wonderful search angels (actually, I think she was the HEAD angel) helped me work through it. She thinks there's a very good chance that the person whose name, address and phone number I have is indeed my biological mother.

At this point, there's really only one way to find out.

So, it's time to make that call. Well, ALMOST time to make the call. I'm this close to being ready. There's no way I can do it myself - and actually, they (you know who THEY are, right?) do not recommend that we adoptees make the call ourselves. It's too emotional, and freakin' scary! The risk of being rejected - again - is a terrifying prospect. Imagine what it would be like to call and say, "are you my mother?" only to be told, "yes, but I don't want anything to do with you."

Talk about a complex. That's all I need.

So, enter my good friend Hallie. She's offered to make the call for me. Isn't she the bomb? She has done this before, and says she's up to the task. I believe her. So, sometime soon, it will happen. We've even strategized a bit on when the best time of day and what day of the week would be best. I haven't actually told her that I think I'm ready, but, well, she reads my blog. So, Hallie, I think it's time.

My stomach is all in knots just thinking about it, but I think that is why it has to be done, and soon. I can't live like this, and heaven knows, everyone around me is probably getting sick and tired of all the melodrama! So, wish me - us - luck.

You know what's funny? It's times like these that I really wish my mom were alive. I never had to worry that she would reject me. She loved me unconditionally. And if this thing turned ugly, she'd be there for me. She would be a great person to talk to about this. I'll leave you with this poem that I found on another blog that deals with adoption. It mirrors my own opinions exactly.

This short poem by Rita Laws was first seen in OURS: The Magazine of Adoptive Families (now Adoptive Families magazine):

Four Adoption Terms Defined
Natural child:
any child who is not artificial.
Real parent: any parent who is not imaginary.
Your own child: any child who is not someone else’s child.
Adopted child: a natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.


Sue said...

Geez M.E., I am not tired of this melodrama. It's like reading a book and each day I get a little deeper into it. I can't put it down!

How great that Hallie will make the call for you. Whatever happens with your birth mom, you have a whole new family that cares for you on your blog. So, basically, you have already won.

Hang in there :)

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Knew it wouldn't take long for you to get to this point. I AM ready and willing.

The last time I did it for John, we had fantastic results. Of course, I realize that that has absolutely nothing to do with your situation but I'm being optomisitc. After all, my track record for bio mom phone calls iS PERFECT!!


(and if not, no big deal...we'll keep trying til we get it right!)


kim-d said...

First of all, I don't see this as drama or melodrama or anything like that at all--THIS IS YOUR LIFE! I second what Sue said about your whole new blog family; we all care and we're all here and we're not going anywhere.

Second, I cannot think of a better person to make **the call** for you. Hallie is a one-in-a-million gem and, as I'm fond of saying, she could sell furnaces in hell. She not only has the gift of gab, but she just has a way with people that not everybody has. You have made the absolute, 100% right decision for this most-important call.

And, I absolutely know what you mean when you say you wish your Mom was here to talk with about all this. There are so many times that I feel the exact same way; sometimes you just need your Mom.

Oh boy, ME...I'm glad I stopped biting my nails many years ago because I would have them down to nubs by now!

AirmanMom said...

ME...I truly believe your mom is still with you every step of this journey, when you close your eyes and see her smile. As for Hallie, how blessed you are to have such a friend!
My prayers are with you, sweet ME.

~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

Joanie said...

Good luck to you as you take this next step. And Hallie is a Peach! I think you should keep her!
An I agree with everyone else... this is fascinating!

Under the Influence said...

You are so lucky to have a friend and angels to help you with this! I think you are doing great and not being dramatic at all. And anyway, I like drama!

claudia said...

I know what you mean about wanting your Mom here, mine is gone and I sure wish she were here a LOT! But she is and yours is...every time you think about her, that is her, tapping you on the shoulder.
No melodrama going on sweets! So keep us up to date, cause it's looks like, from the previous comments that everyone is behind you and next to you.
I know, I for one want to support you right down to the very end of this journey.
And as for Hallie, helping you out, you've got the very best in friends there!
Good luck!

c3 said...

A friend pointed me to your blog, and I've read every post. You've an engaging writing style and a moving story that I feel privileged to be able to follow.



justlori2day said...

Mary Ellen and Hallie - I wish this phone call well!

Do it NOW please K?

Seriously, good luck. I feel it in my heart that this will go well. I agree that your mother is always with you. Its hard when they are physically gone, believe me, I know. But they never really leave us.

We will be your physical support, or party mates in the aftermath.

I am so excited and nervous for you! (maybe that is why my stomach has been in knots all week...)

Laura ~Peach~ said...

make that call Hallie! Sue is so correct you have a blog family who wont reject you no matter what happens next :)
I like the terms defined its great.
Keep us posted we are on pins and needles here :)

Alice said...

It's not's your life. And we are all just as facinated by this as you are. I hope, hope, hope that call goes well. And I absolutely think Hallie is the perfect one to do it for you. Fingers-crossed and prayers said that the outcome is what you want. But no matter what the outcome - you know you were already blessed with two parents who loved you with all their hearts.

Abby Reed said...

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!! I am dying to know what happens. And I am saying tons of prayers for you!!!

And even if she says she's not interested in knowing you.... don't think of it as rejection. Sometimes, that, in and of itself, is closure (it was for me.)


Becca said...

that's such a nice thought: you wish your mom was here to help you out and support you while you try to find your biological mother. shows the difference between the definitions!

good luck, we are all here for you too, whatever happens

Reddirt Woman said...

What a wonderful poem. Pretty much says it all.

Your mom will always be with you, supporting you. Even though spiritually instead of physically. After all, she helped shape you into the person you are today. You can no more take that from you than you could fly on your own gossamer wings.

Taking a big, deep breath for you.


knittergran said...

And good luck!
Just the idea of making that call leaves me breathless, and almost wordless...

Manette said...

Each time I read what you've recently written I burst into more tears. Today is not different. I know this must be difficult for anyone, but made even more so by the sad knowledge that your mother isn't able to physically support you. But I have complete faith that she is with you in spirit and she is giving you the strength that is needed to get through these aching moments of this journey. I wish that I could be there to hold your hand and tell you that no matter what happens you ARE LOVED, and will always be LOVED, by your family!!! I'll be thinking of you over the next few days!

Odette said...

Your Mom is always with you and I am sure that you know that and in the absence of her we're all here to love you and accept you no matter what! :) Good luck M.E.! xo

Robin said...

melodrama? hardly. do you not know that every day i come home to my sad little house and sit here with all my sad little thoughts and then i think "let's see what mary ellen found out today!" (or something close to that)? i've said it before and i'll say it again...i'm on pins and needles here. pins. and. needles.

i hope hallie makes the call soon. i hope that call turns into good, good, good things for you. but even if that call doesn't turn out the way you might want or hope, we will all be here. waiting, listening, caring. and the story will continue.

you're a wonderful person. you've taken time out of your own incredible journey to visit me and leave me such words of comfort. your character stands out - it shines.

nature or nurture, it doesn't matter which one it was, because either way, you are YOU.

and you are wonderful.

Chris said...

I wish you all the luck in the world!

Heather said...

That weird visitor from Debary is me. Though, I'm actually in The Villages(My dream locale in 20 years when I qualify to live here).

Melodrama??? Isn't that what life is for all of us from time to time? It gets dramatic and it gets messy. But, one thing I've realized over the last couple days... Whatever drama comes our way, whether its good, or bad, or ugly, its the people we share those moments with that make it all worthwhile. Every ounce of it. Good Luck with your call M.E. I'm sure it'll be everything you're hoping it to be!

katy said...

Good Sunday Morning ME. I hope the phone call went well. Your blogger family is always here if you need someone to talk to or someone to just listen.

Proud Mom said...

Like Sue said, your blogs are just like any great page turner... you cannot wait to read the next chapter and hope that it will have many many sequels. I know that you will have a "happy ending" to your story because you are such a happy, positive, funny and fabulous woman.
Looking forward to reading more soon...
Hugs ~ Lisa

Vegas Princess said...

This is so not melodrama, it is exciting and thirlling! I can not wait to hear about the results. I am on pins and needles. And Hallie is the perfect person to do this. After all, she is very experienced. :)