Tuesday, January 13, 2009

We made the call

Well, I went from can't-deal-with-even-thinking-about-it, to can't-wait-another-minute and back again over the last couple of days. Finally, the thought that my birth mother might be alive and well and living in a city nearby just got to me. I have to know.

Yesterday afternoon I went over to Hallie's house and we made the call. To be completely accurate, she made the call and I sat there with every nerve ending in my whole body screaming at the same time. And there was no answer.

AAARRGGH.

We strategized a bit first about what she would say, and whether I would talk to her if she wanted me to get on the phone. I gave Hallie the information and the phone number, and she dialed. It seemed to ring forever - although it might have only been 4 or 5 times - and an answering machine picked up. Hallie left a message, giving her name and number and saying that she was trying to find a person with a maiden name of whatever, born in 1935, and was looking for information and would she please call back.

When she hung up, I stared at her. What did her message say? What did her voice sound like? For the first time, I wished I had been the one making the call. That way, I would have heard her voice. Hallie - bless her heart - repeated several times her description of the voice that she heard and what her answering machine message said.

Then we sat there for three hours and waited for the phone to ring. Every time it rang, my heart stopped, but it was never her. I kept asking Hallie - and John - why they thought she hadn't called back. We covered all the possibilities we could think of - she was call screening and was now freaking out, she was not the person we were looking for and thus didn't feel the need to call back, she was out playing Bingo or at the lady's auxiliary meeting, she had just left to spend the winter in Florida, she had been mugged and was tied up inside her house. John's opinion? She wasn't home. That man can definitely be the voice of reason. And he makes a kick-ass cheeseburger (which he stood outside at 10 degrees F to grill for us!)

I guess it doesn't matter why she didn't answer or call back. The bottom line is that we don't have any new information to report. If we don't hear back, we'll call again. And again. I guess at some point, if we have to keep leaving messages, I'll have to let her know why we're really calling and pray that she will at least talk to me briefly. She's the only one who can verify whether or not she is my birth mother, and, if she is my bio mother, she's the only one who knows who my birth father was.

I thought I was jittery before!?! I had no idea. I've been warned about the roller coaster of emotions, but I'm pretty sure I need some Dramamine, and maybe some other pharmaceuticals, too, if I plan to survive this ride.

22 comments:

kim-d said...

OMG! I had no idea this was going on over at Chez Hallisicle yesterday. I got two texts and then nothing more, so I just figured "general busyness." Who knew what was really going on over there! Good for you for having the courage to take the leap; man, there is just no way it could be easy. I'm all nervous and tongue-tied and shaky about it, and I'm not even there!!!

I think pharmaceuticals would be very good right about now.

Liz said...

You need and deserve a big glass of wine!!

You know... it could be that she got the message. And it could be that she has a very good idea what it is about. Maybe she's been listening to it over and over- assuming Hallie's voice is that of her daughter. And working up her own courage to call back.

A big step!!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I thought about what Liz said too...last night in bed I wondered if perhaps she thought I was saying that I was calling for a friend as a cover. Good thing I used my friendliest of friendly voices!!!

Hang in there. The second the phone rings, I'll let you know! :)

H

My Metabolic Rate is Stuck said...

WOW! Can and Can't imagine the turmoil, stress and anxinety you are going through.What ever happens now is in God's hands.."She" might be going through the same things...and since you have not heard back...I would guess that you have the right number...otherwise, you would think the persons would call to say sorry wrong number! Hope for the BEST for you and praying for the calmness you need right now!

claudia said...

Okay...that is exciting! If it were me receiving that message from Hallie, in my current situation, I would listen to the message several times, get excited and then wait a few days. That's me, as a birth Mom. If it were just a random call, and I wasn't the person being looked for, I would call right away and say that I wasn't, you know, to be nice and not have people sitting by on pins and needles.
Take a deep cleansing breath...relax...

Joanie said...

I'm with Liz on this one, from the big of wine right up to hang in there! You have to assume this woman has been waiting for that phone call for years now. She could be (I hope!) as nervous and excited as you are!

kimmy said...

I was thinking of you last night. I hope she calls soon...

Kimmy

for a different kind of girl said...

I was just going to say what's been said by Liz...that this may be a huge thing for her, too, and is working through things. Whatever the case may be, (and if I got a call like that and it wasn't me the person calling wanted, I'd definitely call back to assure them of that), I hope you get a call soon!

Midwest Mommy said...

I am so excited and nervous for you at the same time. I can't wait for an update. Please update when you get an update :-)

Merrily Down the Stream said...

Wow. When got The Scouting Letter I sunk to a stitting position - thankfully there was a step behind me. And I cried and cried... Will be following with fascination and love and support. xoxoxoox

Andrew Scott Turner said...

I want the rights to the screenplay, and the promise that I get a bit part

Laura ~Peach~ said...

LOL WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE aint the ride oh so much FUN... and warning... when you DO talk to her the ride does not stop it continues on... and on and on.... I am so excited for you and I WOULD have had to call back and listened to the message myself... but thats me LOL.
for the first year after my mother stopped talking to me I would call and listen to her machine once a week... sometimes I left messages sometimes not... funny how KNOWING that she was not going to talk to me I still wanted to hear her voice... when my sister was living here it was a preverse pleasure when Lori called her and put her on speaker phone... even when she went on about how I disgust her and she never wants to speak of "that person" ever again I still enjoyed hearing her voice... sigh I am sick I know... but I am better today.
Hugs to you my friend the ride is just gearing up for the BIG loopty loops

Alice said...

Well, Hallie does have a stash of Ambien from what I've read - maybe she can give you some. :)

So excited that you made this step!! I know it's nerve-wracking, but I hope it is her and I hope she calls soon.

Becca said...

OH WOW. sweetie, I hope she calls soon just so your blood pressure can go back to normal. this is exciting/scary!!!!

Lynn said...

I am on pins and needles right along with you LOL !

You are so brave !

justlori2day said...

I hyperventalated when I saw your post title in my feeds. I cannot imagine what your blood pressure and pulse ox is like!

Please ring phone, please ring!

How far away do you live from Hallie? Can she send you a smoke signal so you can high tail it while she is still on the phone?

I agree with everyone - you know what you have in front of you. You know you are looking. She may not be expecting it. It may throw her off. Another possibility is that she may have to wait until she is home alone to return the call. Its possible that her family (if she has any at home) doesn't know the situation.

The chills... The nerves... I need a glass of wine!

GOOD LUCK!

jojo said...

it looks like everyone covered what I would have said so just know that I am thinking of you with all my heart and praying for the best...

Tonjia said...

oh no, I am getting nervous now right along with you! She has to call back, I really hope she does!!

By the way, you have been tagged! :-)

Vegas Princess said...

I am thinking the same way Liz and hallie are going. She needs some time to process this message and figure out to say because she knows what that call is all about. Remember how you feel, she has got to be feeling that too, maybe with a huge heap of guilt on top of it too. She will call. And if she doesn't, you just call again. Hallie can be very persuasive, she'll get you results. :)

Becca said...

i've been thinking about you all day...i hope you sleep well tonight.

AirmanMom said...

me...my prayers are lifted for you.

~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

Robin said...

i'm thinking of you and waiting along you.

are you SURE you don't want me to come up there and just go knock on her door?

cause i totally would.

in meantime, i wait (im)patiently.
with you.